Working It

This one is from Mommy Mickee.

It’s been a while (two years, actually) since I brought forth my Ninna into this world. Some women would say that they are still able to recall each and every detail of their childbirth experience. Unfortunately, I, on the other hand, have already relegated most of those memories to the far side of my long-term memory. I guess, I’ve made a lot of memories with my daughter since then but, although the birthpains and sleepless nights are no longer fresh in my mind, it doesn’t mean that I never cherished them or completely forgot about them.

So, I will try my best to remember the gory details. The spaced-out mommy in me definitely needs this kind of mental exercise.

Disclaimer: Some of my recollections are hazy, I’m afraid, but I have anesthesia to blame for that, hehe.

Here goes…

How did you feel during those first few days after the birth?
:: The first few days after I gave birth, I felt… inadequate.

All throughout my pregnancy, I researched, read, interviewed several moms (including my own and my mom-in-law), as well as hypothesized every possible infant-care related scenario in order to prepare myself for what’s coming. I thought I was more than prepared to take care of my beautiful, angelic, and sweet firstborn.

That is, until I actually held the puny, red-faced, screaming, poo-covered, bundle of life in my arms. That was when I realized that I knew absolutely Nothing.

To top it off, I was in so much pain. My C-section incision prevented me from carrying and cuddling my baby, and it hurt me to know that I couldn’t comfort my baby as much as I wanted to. Plus, everyday activities that I once did easily, became a struggle to do. (Having to take a bath with my tummy tightly cling wrapped didn’t really make for warm fuzzy memories.) I felt extremely scared, terribly frustrated, and deeply insecure.

But then, once the learning curve (and the hormones) levelled off, I found myself embracing my new role as a mommy with complete awe, unabashed pride, and manic protectiveness. My feeling of inadequacy quickly turned into humility – a feeling which exists in me until this very day.

How were you emotionally?
:: Emotionally, I was tired.

All of my emotions were amplified to such a degree that a teeny weeny hiccup of my daughter’s sent me sobbing uncontrollably from the raw mix of unconditional love and naked fear. Not knowing what to do, what to expect (ok, the book helped somewhat), and what to pray for, as well as the sudden bursts of love and devotion I felt for my child one second to the next, really took a toll on my emotional well-being.

It helped so much that hubby was there to give me strength and to, literally, wash my wounds. Otherwise, my Ninna would have had two other brothers named Crispin and Basilio.

Is there anything you wish people had told you about the postpartum period?
:: I wish I have been told that, post partum, I would start distrusting the world.

Every drop of water that touched my baby’s body had to be boiled first. Each of my baby’s visitors had to disinfect their germy hands prior to touching her. Among strangers lurked a pedophile. An Educational Plan seemed like a very very good idea at that time. Each lamok was a threat. Genetically modified baby food alarmed me. Second-hand smoke made me ballistic. The sex bomb dancers suddenly seemed vulgar. And some of the superstitious beliefs and old ways of taking care of a child totally freaked me out.

I also wish I’ve been told that the malls in the Philippines are terribly not baby-friendly. This knowledge would have spared me from purchasing my top-of-the-line mammoth of a stroller that I had to lug up and down the narrow escalators (or stairs on a bad day).

How long do you plan to breastfeed?
:: With my next baby (uuy hoping), I plan to breastfeed for as long as I can. I only breastfed Ninna for two months thinking that I would be going back to work as soon as my maternity leave ended. As it turned out, my maternity leave was extended indefinitely, hehe. Although I think my daughter is growing up healthy and smart naman, I still believe that she might have become a lot more cute had she breastfed from me longer (as cuteness may have been further transfered through osmosis, hehe).

Do you have any advice for getting through those first weeks of breastfeeding?
:: God created our boobs for a purpose. Our boobs were not created for decorative purposes only (even if hubby agrees otherwise).

Also, there is no such thing as NO MILK. The law of supply and demand will come into play here. If you continue to demand milk from yourself, your body will supply it. And as long as you supply your child with breastmilk, he/she will demand it. The more the baby demands it and takes it, the healthier he/she will become. The healthier the baby will become, the sexier you will become (breastfeeding helps mommies lose post partum babyfat). The sexier you become, the happier hubby will become. The happier hubby is, the more he will become excited… to help you take care of the baby. *wink*

Was there any stress between you and your husband over the baby?
:: Yes, because I sometimes cried harder than Ninna did.

Let’s talk about your body, did things get totally rearranged?
:: Let’s not talk about my body, hehe.

Seriously, I think it shouldn’t matter if our bodies took on a life of its own after giving birth. I’m proud to say that I am a mommy and, if this is as good as it’s going to get, I am and will continue to be happy about how things, uh, rearranged themselves. (Now where did I put Dr. Belo’s calling card…)

Care to share how much you weighed before and how much now?
:: Let’s just say I gained 60 pounds and lost 40, post partum. No wonder I’m depressed, hehe.

What advice or comfort can you offer other new moms about their weight ?
:: Not all of us have been gifted with the skinny genes. Admittedly, some women will only take mere weeks to return to their pre-pregancy shape, while others (like moi) need the intercession of every canonized saint in heaven just to tuck it all in. All I know is that there’s nothing dumpy or ugly to the little one’s eyes about you. Between pilates, badminton, swimming, taebo, washing and sterilizing baby bottles, washing and sterilizing burpcloths, and washing and sterilizing your pet poodle, I’m sure you will find yourself back into your old fave jeans again sooner (the ones that aren’t garterized, of course).

How important is it for you to have a work identity?
:: Not important. I chose to become a stay-at-home mom mainly because I wanted to personally take care of my child. I’m lucky that I have a responsible husband who is able to keep a roof above our heads and put food in our tummies without both of us having to sacrifice too much. I’ve already proven my worth as a career woman even before I had a baby, so I don’t crave that kind of fulfillment as much as I once did. Seeing my daughter grow up right before my eyes, living the values that I’ve taught, is fulfillment enough.

Was your baby a lot of fun right from the start?
:: In all honesty, she was just semi-fun. The first night she came home with us, she cried non-stop for hours. It drove both myself and hubby towards an impending nervous breakdown. However, there were pockets of moments where each little baby smile or burp or fart would send us sleep-deprived slaves into a fit of giggles. These are the moments I remember, the ones I have chosen not to forget.

What’s your baby like now?
:: Ninna is two. What can I say? She’s as precious and precocious as any toddler could be but, thankfully, not as terrible. Having a toddler is different from having an infant and, as I am learning, requires a different set of parenting skills.

I admit that my life is so much saner now, and I am getting more time for bed *wink*. I’m happy that we instilled some form of discipline with her since she was a baby. It helps us deal with her current everyday demands (which could be very demanding) and it has given her some form of structure.

She’s more fun to play with and interact now, easier to teach, prettier to dress up, and each of the milestones that she surpasses makes us, her stage parents, super fullfilled, relieved, and suprised that, somehow, we may have done a good parenting job pala.

Anyway, Hubby contends that Ninna still looks like him. That’s fine with me, he’s pogi naman eh, hehe. At least, I believe that she’s become as smart as her mom (even without the osmosis, hah!).

Now my mommy friends, kayo naman. Care to share your (becoming a) mommy story?

I’m tagging : [ Ogie, Dang, Cez, Em, Jencc, & Gracia ]

MrsWorkingGirl :: Mar.20.2006 :: MeMeMee :: 4 Comments »

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